Hanavave, Fatu Hiva 27 April 2010 10.4644S 138.6689W
There were many questions about life at sea before we left, most were veiled questions of our sanity, but one theme that stuck out as a big concern to our land lover friends, was the notion of community; how would we would survive the isolation of such a life, and especially how would our kids do without a school full of same age children to hang out with? It’s actually a repeat of one of the big concerns others have regarding our decision to homeschool the kids. What about socialization? No one seemed too worried that my own socialization for the past 15 years or so, consisted of spending more time with work colleagues and acquaintances, than with my own friends and family. And when the kids were in school, we were never asked about the notion of socializing them by placing them for seven hours a day in an arbitrary pool with 30 other kids, whose only commonality was age – and if we’d had more money (or if LA cost of living were lower), we could have put them in a private school, and added the commonalities of skin color and economic status. And yet, I don’t think anyone asking the question, “What about socialization” would consciously pick their own friends based on skin color, bank balance, age, or employment, although those end up being the biggest common factors in most of our relationships. Still, I think most of us feel honestly that we choose our friends based on common values not on those other four superficialities. With our nomad’s life now, I think I would add that even choosing friends based on common values could be limiting, there are an amazing array of values in other cultures that differ from our own, and yet which have their own validity – if you take a minute to think them through in a non-teleological fashion, examining why they arose, and what human issues they solve for a given individual, family or culture. Admittedly finding validity can be a stretch for this westerner when it comes to ritual cannibalism. Somehow it’s easier to swallow (sorry) in an historic context, than the reality of the last human consumed here in 1912 (officially, there are rumors of incidents as recent as 1950s, but those were officially “just” murders).
So what about socialization? I think it’s a good question, and one we should all be asking ourselves frequently. I have a feeling it’s a theme I may return to often, as our own notions of socialization get challenged daily, by the other local cultures we come in contact with, by the other cruisers each bringing their own culture bias along, and by our own beliefs being mirrored back to us as hypocrisy through the contrast with this wild mix of cultures. Our own values and judgments which seem so sound on the surface, sometimes fail in these new contexts, and I’m hoping that Frank, Logan, Kennan, and I all become better socialized as a result of exposure to these new contexts. Will that change the fact, that most of my closest friends are white middle income women within 10 years of my age, with whom I’ve worked or with whom I’ve sailed? Not likely and I’m not giving up a single one of you if I can help it, but I like a healthy mix, and I’m already seeing that this will be a time where we develop a broader spectrum, and where the kids will see and appreciate the amazing breadth that is possible in human relations.
Where we are anchored now is a great microcosm of an example of what I think the next couple of years will be like on the socialization front. there are 12-15 boats in the anchorage, 4-5 Americans, 3-4 French, 1 English, a couple Aussies, 1 Norwegian, 2 Italians, and 2 from Holland. 30-40 people in all, add the local village, which has a couple hundred people (600 on the whole island between two villages), and you have a diverse collection of folks. The boats range in size from minimally outfitted pocket cruisers to 60’ Swans with all the latest technologies. Some are Neptune’s neophytes, others have been cruising for 20 years and more. For some of the cruisers that come here, this is their first landfall, after more than 20 days from Mexico, Panama, or the Galapagos. For others, like us, it’s our first real taste of cruising the Marqueses. Fatu Hiva is the easternmost island in the archipelago, and everything will be downwind from here. Our stays here will vary only slightly – a few days, at most a few weeks. All of us would like to cram a hike to the “Cascade,” some fishing or snorkeling, and an authentic Thor Heyerdahl-like experience with the locals into that short time, and all the locals would like to squeeze a few francs and maybe a boat visit out of us before we leave. An additional separation between cruisers and locals emerges as the cruisers are all eager to get to know each other, since we’ll likely be crossing wakes many times in the months ahead; each nationality automatically reaches out to their own kind first.
We should have a leg up on the reaching out front, between Frank and I we have the Norwegians, the French and the Americans covered, (the English and the Aussies being a bit of a foreign culture for both of us, we’ve not made as much headway there, despite the common language), and with Frank’s experience with Polynesians, we can at least attempt to tread softly in their world, and avoid giving offense or getting a fleecing. But we tend to be on the shy side, I prefer to watch listen and then integrate but that’s not an efficient approach for short stays. You may be surprised to know that Frank is the outgoing one in our new life (or maybe not if you’ve been over to dinner and tried to get a word in edgewise;).
The lives of the locals look rich to us, with easy fishing and bountiful fruits; we look rich to them, with our large ships crammed with solar panels, wind generators, dinghies and kayaks. Seeking an honest moment, a common connection, a positive cultural exchange is hard. My own lesson in reaching out came from two American boats both with energetic young guys in their 20s. The first boat “Enchantress” had a group of three carefree young souls aboard, who found their way instantly to the hearts of the Fatu Hivans, arriving in the spirit of the Polynesian’s own ancestors – out of food, broken engine, playful and looking for fun – the common ground was instantaneous – the Polynesians place a high value on laughing, playing, and living life with reckless abandon. Another new friend of ours Eric on “Secret Agent Man” made a connection for us all with a Frisbee, and an open game of “ultimate”: cruisers and locals, young and old, girls and guys. In truth, I was not an active participant in this cultural exchange, I was busy writing you all; but Frank, Eric, Liz, two Norwegians and the kids came back beaming, with tales of an old Austrian guy doing cartwheels on the field, an old Marquesian high flying a young American, and a couple of young Marquisian women planning the moves to take the game. Those young guys, inspired my younger guys to plot their next cultural exchange – maybe a paper airplane building and flying contest? Can we make a mold of Eric’s Frisbee, and then make some onboard with epoxy to share at our next stop? Maybe we can get Marc to send us some Frisbees? I nixed most of Weaponmaster Kennan’s other ideas – after all we come in peace.
If socialization is really limited to socializing within your own society then the boys may end up feeling like outsiders. But at some level we all have moments of feeling like outsiders; maybe that’s a good thing and we all need to learn to better bring others inside with us. My socialization goals for my guys is that they end up being social adepts in multiple societies.
While I’ve been ruminating on on socialization, Frank had an American over to chat about places to see in the Tuamotus, invited 3 boats over for dinner, then he jumped into the dinghy to welcome a French catamaran that just anchored next to us. He’s the mentor for them. I guess I better go Be social too, or all my cultural exchanges will continue to be vicarious ones.
xoxomo
P.S. I did get a chance to post some pictures on our Picasa site before we left Hiva Oa. There should be two new albums visible if you go to http://picasaweb.google.com/margoreveil One for the 20 day crossing and one for a couple days on Hiva Oa (Well? how many pictures of that blue can one take?)